Loneliness in Lockdown
The amount of time we spend with others can have a big effect on how we feel. Not getting what we need from one or more relationship can leave us feeling anything from unsatisfied to abandoned. This blog looks at how being isolated can result in feelings of loneliness, inspired by ongoing changes to the way we’re able to socialise during the pandemic. I’ll focus on what’s sometimes known as ‘transient loneliness’, which is a time-limited but intense experience.
Isolation vs loneliness
Many situations can disrupt our ways of connecting with others, for example poor physical or mental health, relocation (for work, education, family, or lifestyle reasons), high demands placed on our time or lockdown conditions. However, it’s important to notice the difference between the physical separation felt in isolation and the emotional separation felt in loneliness. The biggest distinction is the potential to substitute physical contact with other forms of social contact; phone and video calls, letter writing or online group activities. It’s true that face-to-face interactions have a special quality, and a touch of the hand or a much-needed hug are difficult to substitute. There may also be challenges in communicating in new ways. However, creating some new habits can help us to look after our mental health.
The fear of loneliness
When our level of social contact is reduced unexpectedly, there can be a moment of panic about what might happen. If the idea of isolation causes you anxiety, it can be useful to give yourself some time to take stock of the situation. Finding a way to stay in the moment, rather than imagining the unknown, might help prevent things feeling overwhelming. Useful tools to help you focus on the here-and-now can include controlled breathing, concentrating on feeling the ground beneath your feet and noticing sensations within your body. It can also be useful to temporarily distract yourself through mental arithmetic or memory tasks. Once there is space to take a closer look at the situation, creating a plan of action can also help to make things feel more manageable.
Our history of being alone
While some of us are content spending time at home alone, some will be more used to spending time away and in the company of others. Those in the second group may be more extrovert, feeling energised by social contact. It may also be that they have developed wellness strategies (knowingly or unknowingly) that involve other people, such as a close support network of friends, fitness groups or a full schedule of activity. Another factor will likely be what our past experiences of being alone have been; whether we felt we had a choice, felt a sense of security, and felt comfortable with ourselves. Beginning to understand your emotional response to isolation might help to prevent thoughts and feelings from the past adding to those of the present.
Shared loneliness
Recent research shows that a quarter of all adults and almost half of those under 26 in the UK have experienced loneliness[1]. It’s striking that many of us share this feeling of being alone. There may be people new to an area who could benefit from an introduction, people with restricted mobility who could benefit from a helping hand or people separated from friends and family who could benefit from a friendly face. I’m reminded of my grandmother waving to passers-by from her kitchen window who, in turn, was regularly ‘checked in’ on. It can be daunting to reach out or to be reached out to, but perhaps there are ways to explore what might feel possible and be safe for you.
Further information
The NHS has produced some advice on how to deal with feelings of loneliness during the Coronavirus pandemic. A short video from Closer Social Distancing also illustrates what’s going on with us medically when we feel lonely in isolation.
