Deciding When to End Therapy
Many people use therapy to gain insight and perspective around life changes or events, to understand and adjust behaviours that have a negative effect on themselves or relationships, or to manage and reduce feelings of dissatisfaction or distress. Others use therapy as a regular space to reflect on themselves and what’s going on around them. Whatever our reason for beginning therapy, how can we recognise when it’s time to work towards an ending? Below are some considerations on how to approach this decision.
Every ending is a beginning
A common motivation for considering an ending in therapy is a shift in what’s being discussed. Therapy is about working towards a goal, with the work evolving over time. This sometimes includes uncovering unexpected areas to understand or explore. A change in direction can be a sign of readiness to tackle something new. However, there can also be value in maintaining the original scope of the work or taking time away from therapy. Another motivation is a shift in how we’re thinking and feeling in daily life. We might notice being less preoccupied, worried, low, or confused, and more accepting, authentic, grounded, or resilient. It’s useful in this moment to ask whether changes are a result of growth or self-protection (pushing difficult thoughts and feelings away), allowing us to make an informed decision about what we need.
Writing your own ending
A therapist will usually allow space for a client to raise the question of ending a piece of work. This respects our right to make our own decisions and recognises that we are best placed to know what’s right for us. At the same time, it’s appropriate for a therapist to support in making a decision as needed. Our response to the thought of raising a possible ending can tell us something about our approach to relationships. Worrying about how the therapist will respond might indicate people-pleasing, considering the negative impact on the therapist might indicate prioritising the needs of others, or an impulse to leave without discussion might indicate avoidance. Our emotional response to endings shouldn’t affect our decision but are another good opportunity for self-understanding.
A relationship that’s meant to end
Therapy is often used when our usual ways of managing difficult situations are unavailable or ineffective. It’s about providing support in the form of security, warmth, encouragement, insight, honesty, and understanding. Therapy should also involve building other means of support, such as self-care practices, templates for supportive relationships, tools and strategies for managing unhelpful thoughts, feelings and behaviours, and routes to support services. A helpful exercise when deciding when to end can be a stocktake of our support system. Sometimes the outside world can also affect our choice whether to continue with therapy. This could include changes in our schedule, location, or financial situation. It’s valid to end therapy due to a change in circumstances. However, it’s important to ensure that you still have sufficient support in place, especially during times of change.
Seeing whether it fits
It’s not always easy to know when it’s time to end therapy. We all change as we move through life, while life changes around us. Checking in on how we are is part of maintaining mental wellness, and considering an ending to therapy can be one of these moments. The following questions are designed to help explore this.
- How am I feeling day-to-day, taking into account what’s going on around me?
- How am I responding to changes and challenges at the moment?
- Have I met my original therapy goal, and are there other goals I want to achieve in therapy now?
- What do I observe about the content of my most recent therapy sessions?
- How do therapy sessions make me feel at present?
- What does my relationship with my therapist bring to my life?
- How will I feel about the relationship with my therapist ending?
Further Information
These pieces written by Melissa Dahl and Rachel Simon share how they took the personal decision to end therapy. And BetterHelp also has a helpful article on How to Stop Therapy, which includes a practical guide for making a decision.
