Relational Therapy and Couples Therapy
Sometimes what’s most needed from therapy is to be in the room with the person you want change to involve. This can be done through Relational Therapy, also called Relationship Therapy or Couples Therapy. This often involves a systemic approach, which focuses on relationships between people, rather than on an individual’s thoughts and feelings. Below are some thoughts on what this type of work is, what happens in the therapy room, how to decide if it might be a good fit for you, and what happens after a session.
What is Relational Therapy?
Relational Therapy is when two or more people come together with support to work on their relationship. This might be a couple in a romantic partnership, family members, friends, colleagues, or teammates. Relational therapy helps people understand how the outside world affects their relationship, how they apply meaning to each other’s actions, and identify impactful patterns of behaviour. Possible benefits include working on a relationship in real time (rather than retrospectively in individual therapy), a neutral presence ensuring all are heard and understood, and a safe space to share difficult thoughts and feelings with someone in your life. Possible challenges include the expectation to put learnings into practice between sessions, and some individual issues requiring separate support.
What happens in Relationship Therapy?
A relational therapist will ensure that everyone has time and space to give their point of view, support individuals to hear and understand each other better, identify unhelpful interactions, explore how and why relationships might have changed over time, and imagine a different future for the relationship. This will involve reflecting on how each individual thinks, feels and behaves in the relationship, as well as their values, beliefs and experiences around relationships. Couples work involves at least one individual session for each participant at the beginning of the process. This is an opportunity to build a rapport with the therapist, identify any individual needs outside of couples therapy, and share anything confidential that might be difficult to say in front of your partner.
Is Relational Therapy right for us?
Common reasons for coming to relational therapy include to strengthen elements of a relationship (e.g. trust, sex and intimacy, communication), to repair a relationship (e.g. following an infidelity or period of separation), and to build resilience against external pressures (e.g. family responsibilities, financial pressure, work-related stress). Relationship therapy is not about rekindling a past version of a relationship but about helping a relationship to move forwards. This might be through introducing changes that allow a couple to remain close, to transition into a different type of relationship (e.g. lovers to friends or visa versa), or to separate in a considered and constructive way. What relationship therapy cannot do is make people love or be compatible with each other.
Relational therapy is not suitable for those requiring support for addiction or complex mental health problems, where an active affair is taking place, or where abusive behaviour is present. If any of these issues apply to you, please contact your GP for signposting or find specialist support using the BACP Therapist Directory.
What happens after relational therapy sessions?
Often relationship therapy involves tasks for clients to do between sessions. This might involve exercises around communication, how to disagree in a constructive way, and setting expectations and boundaries within the relationship. It can also involve an agreement not to talk about certain subjects outside of the supported space of the therapy room. It can sometimes involve a commitment to setting aside some time to do something you enjoy doing together. It can also be useful to set aside some time for yourself to reflect on what you might have discovered during sessions and to think about what it means to you. It’s also an opportunity to think about anything you’d like to bring to the next therapy session.
Further Information
This short video from the School Of Life gives a view on What we might learn in Couples Therapy. And relationship support charity Relate has a Toolkit for Relationships and Self-Help Tools to explore on their website.
