Making ourselves heard
It can feel like we’re living in a world of seemingly unlimited access to information, and ever more platforms and tools to communicate what we think. This can mean anything from putting our hand up in class to presenting to a wide-reaching forum of peers or colleagues. From sharing a post on social media to organising a public rally. This article looks at how, when, where, and why we choose to express our opinions, and the impact of our choices.
Speaking volumes
Our approach to making ourselves heard is influenced by past experiences of speaking up, natural assertiveness levels, and protective mechanisms that guide our social interactions. It can be useful to take a moment to notice how we engage with our opinions in everyday situations such as conversations with family and friends, a classroom debate, or a workplace meeting. How do we perceive the value of what we have to contribute, our reasoning, how our thoughts will compare to others, and our ability to express ourselves in an accurate and measured way? Do we tend to keep our thoughts to ourselves, to moderate them, or to speak freely? Learning to express ourselves without doubt or fear can help us to become the most available and authentic versions of ourselves.
On speaking terms
Who we’re speaking to can play a big part in our decision of what to say or whether to speak at all. It’s usual to think about the effect our words might have on others. For example, “is there a possibility that I’ll hurt someone’s feelings, take up space for them to speak, create a disagreement or conflict, or change their opinion of me?” However, it might also be useful to consider what happens when we choose not to give voice to our thoughts. Others might interpret not speaking as having nothing to say or might assume our response. A useful way to reframe the importance of sharing our opinion is that it creates the conditions for understanding, reciprocity, and fairness in our relationships.
Speaking the same language
We often receive messages about how to use our voice, which can feel contradictory; the “Your Voice, Your Vote” election campaign ran concurrent to legislation changes restricting some forms of political protest. However, the importance of our entitlement to express ourselves is enshrined in the Human Rights Act: “…freedom to hold opinions and to receive and impart information and ideas…” (Article 10). Sometimes it can feel easier to speak out if we are representing the beliefs or needs of others, especially when they are silent or silenced. A satisfying outcome of making ourselves heard is when it leads to remedy or change. However, it can also empower ourselves and those around us, and show us that we have allies and support.
Speaking for yourself
Therapy is a place where whatever what you want to say should be received with warmth, acceptance, and non-judgement. This can give us confidence that we have something worthwhile to say. By using our voice in therapy, we can also make heard parts of ourselves we weren’t aware of. For example, an unhelpful inner voice that tells us to “know our place” or “don’t rock the boat”. The more aware we become of the experiences, beliefs and learned lessons that influence how we use our voice, the more we can choose to do things differently if we want to. Whether it comes naturally or needs encouragement, using our voice – to speak or be silent - can grow self-respect and reduce self-criticism.
Further information
This BetterUP blog on how Speaking up is Important offers some interesting thoughts and suggestions on masking yourself heard, as does Why it’s Important to get your Voice Heard by Shout Out UK (SOUK).